PAIN AND FORGIVENESS
Morning of October 2, 3019
Khamul: *Silently, Angmar led the way back
into the tower, the other Eight following behind him*
Madurz: *she walks in step with Khamul, at his side...the image of the scene she had just witnessed replaying in her mind*
Khamul: *At last they were rid of the traitor Ashgaz, who had been nothing but a stain upon Khamul since he had first made his mistake in the Shire*
Khamul: *No longer would the lowly orcs make jests behind his back and say, "Even the Igh Ones make their mistakes."*
Madurz: *she had hoped for more from Ashgaz. She was grateful to him and she also felt hate for him. She steadied herself in his last moments rather than daring act with such behavior as she did when in his cell...but his small body and her disappointment had mounted to extremes..she would easily recover...she already was but still her head pounded from much more*
Khamul: *They file into the tower, where Angmar dismisses them and they each go their seperate ways*
Khamul: *When the others have gone, retreating silently into the shadows, Khamul turns to Madurz* Let us go to my chambers
Madurz: *she smiles lightly to him..pleased that he wants to be with her now* Yes Khamul
Khamul: *he takes her by the arm and leads her up two flights of winding stairs to the third level of the tower*
Madurz: *she lets her fingertips stroke the material upon his arm...his closeness comforting her*
Khamul: *The Silent Servant at his door bows to him and then opens the door for him*
Khamul: *they step through and the servant shuts it behind them* Madurz *he says as he releases her arm*
Khamul: We have things of which we must speak
Madurz: *she turns to him and she inhales and exhales deeply...* yes Khamul...i suppose we do
Khamul: Come with me to my study. We shall talk there and have wine together
Madurz: *she moves inside more and over to the cabinet and removes two goblets and a bottle of wine for them*
Khamul: *he leads her across his great hall and into his study and motions for her to sit on a couch along the wall*
Madurz: *she moves into his study and places the goblets down on a table and fills them and moves over to the couch with both goblets..she extends one to him*
Khamul: *he remains standing and extends his hand down and takes the goblet*
Khamul: *he drinks from it and then looks down at her, his eyes unsearchable behind his hood*
Madurz: *takes immediate notice of his distance towards her*
Madurz: *raises her goblet and takes a deep sip*
Khamul: Many months ago, I was given responsibility to protect you, to keep you from harm
Khamul: and I believe that I have done that, even in the worst of situations
Madurz: *she can feel the pulse in her throat increase*
Madurz: yes love...you have
Khamul: *He brings the goblet to his lips and drinks from it again*
Khamul: But while I did fulfill my responsibilities, perhaps I failed in another sense
Madurz: *stares up to a figure which is so tall and looming...and one she has known and felt much real love with* failed?
Madurz: *her nerves unsettled as she listens*
Khamul: I had hoped to please the Morgul Lord in the task that he had set to me. I thought it was a simple task. Simple it was, indeed, at first, but has become much more complex
Madurz: *she takes another long sip then runs one hand down over the material on her leg, for her palms were beginning to moisten*
Khamul: *He turns from her and walks back to the table, setting his half-emptied wine glass on its surface* I have no taste for wine this morning
Madurz: *her heart was feeling a familiar clutch again*
Madurz: *how can the happiness she known just days before have come crumbling once again*
Khamul: *he picks up one of the chairs at the table and brings it back with him, and placing it in front of her, he sits down upon it*
Madurz: *she clears her throat and stares at him as evenly as she can manage*
Khamul: *he places his arms on the armrests of the chair, the gloved hands extending over the edges*
Madurz: *she wants to place her hand over his but she feels this is one time he would shake it off*
Khamul: There was a great sense of unease upon my mind last eve and I did not return to my chambers
Khamul: Instead, I had my horse saddled and rode throughout the night, returning a few hours before dawn, as I knew that I must for the trial
Madurz: would you not have come back to me if not for the trial?
Madurz: *she felt pain in her heart at his unease...knowing well what it was from*
Khamul: *he sighs and the index finger of his right hand taps the chair arm*
Madurz: *a small sigh escapes her lips as she lowers her head*
Khamul: Sometimes, as you know Madurz, I am restless, and I must leave all to wander by myself
Madurz: *she looks back up as she gnaws the inside of her cheek*
Khamul: Last eve was such a night. When I returned this morn, there was no time to talk to my Captain
Khamul: all I know is that he sent all of us out of the throne room for he wished to talk to you in private
Khamul: I could sense that his thoughts were unsettled, as unsettled as mine were
Madurz: *her eyes widening a bit* had you meant to speak to him?
Khamul: Aye, I wished to speak to him, for the circumstances of last night were.... beyond the usual
Madurz: *she started to grow nervous at any tensions that might have been exchanged or felt between the Brothers*
Khamul: But such is his prerogative
Madurz: Khamul *she swallows* you can ask such questions of me
Khamul: Perhaps.... *he says* it would be better should I talk to him
Khamul: And he did not bid me stay and talk with him
Madurz: *nods* love..what are your ideas?
Madurz: for maybe i can quell some uneasiness
Khamul: And this morning, his thoughts were closed to me. I could read nothing there, only silence
Madurz: *she tenses....he silenced himself to him*
Madurz: *oh her punishment would be long by Him if ever rift...*
Khamul: So I must take this to mean as I have on other occasions that the issue, whatever it might be, is not to be discussed
Madurz: *she knows this action from his Captain disturbs Khamul*
Khamul: and so I have word of nothing, neither yea nor manner of anything of greater or lesser import
Madurz: why not ask of me love?
Madurz: i would not tell you anything false
Khamul: *his hand begins to clench the chair arm* Whatever he wants, I must do. My opinion does not matter
Khamul: But I cannot say that I like it!
Madurz: *she did not like this idea of him walking around with burden of that night...things unanswered*
Madurz: *she lowers her head*
Madurz: i understand
Khamul: Why do I not ask you! I would rather hear the words from him
Madurz: *she darts her head up*
Madurz: what words?
Madurz: *she was fearing an insinuation*
Khamul: The words that were said between you last night and what transpired
Madurz: *her mouth parts*
Madurz: *she sways, feeling anger and sadness and much frustration..nervous that she was the part of a coming conflict of Brotherhood*
Madurz: love..such things must be answered...settled
Khamul: So until I am told otherwise, I will continue my protection of you. *She can see his eyes begin to flash and he rises from his seat*
Madurz: *she clutches her hand to her heart...feeling it shred again*
Madurz: no..no my love
Madurz: *she was understanding now how Khamul was viewing this all*
Madurz: *she places her goblet on the floor and rises*
Khamul: *Khamul begins to pace across the floor, a habit uncommon to him*
Khamul: Perhaps I should request an audience with my Captain *he says, his head bowed, his arms clasped about his back*
Madurz: *she, fierce to all...but with Khamul she was much different*
Madurz: *she feared what would happen when they met*
Madurz: *she thought about Angmar's mood when she left him...the scene might not be pleasant*
Khamul: But... *he stops in the middle of the floor and turns back and looks at her, his eyes beginning to glow* How do I find the words to bring up such a matter?
Madurz: *she shakes her head* love i do not know
Madurz: i assure you...nothing transpired in the matter of what you might be thinking
Madurz: *but how much of what had happened would hurt Khamul?*
Madurz: *would the very memories that had returned to her haunt him*
Khamul: *He continues to look at her, his eyes glowing* Whatever was said or whatever transpired, I cannot question it
Madurz: why don't you want to hear it from me?
Madurz: my mind is not closed
Khamul: Because.. *he says, his voice almost hissing* you are not one of us!
Madurz: *at this...a feeling..a swirling of red rises like fire in her...mocking her mortality...which she hated more than they*
Madurz: *she clenches her teeth and fists*
Madurz: *the words deal a blow to her and she does not know whether to scream or buckle*
Khamul: Though your allegiance to us is unquestionable, you are still not counted among us, but still counted among the Edain
Madurz: *for indeed it was true....of course..every word..but she wished otherwise...longed for the Gift*
Khamul: I can sense that the Morgul Lord wishes to see neither you nor me at this time
Khamul: And perhaps for a long time to come. Why this can be, I do not fully understand but I know for a surety that it must involve whatever happened last night
Madurz: *she holds her breath as the feelings swell...they build into a painful exhale as she falls back to seated position on the couch*
Madurz: then you must know and feel that nothing transpired if he does not want to see me
Khamul: *he looks to her* Perhaps I do need that wine after all *he walks back to the table, takes up his goblet, holds it to his lips and drains the goblet dry*
Madurz: *but she knew rejection from Angmar was as important a matter to him as her*
Khamul: *Then setting it back down, he pours himself another drink*
Khamul: *He stands at the table, holding his glass and looking at her*
Madurz: *turmoil in her eyes though he might not be able to see it but he senses it*
Khamul: I know two things for certainty. I am still under my obligation to protect you. That has not changed. I also know that I am to leave the city before the snows begin to fall
Madurz: *her stomach turns* what?
Khamul: The elves of Mirkwood once again require our attention
Madurz: you are leaving?
Khamul: Aye, Madurz, before the middle of the month, ten days from now
Madurz: *her eyes wide...her voice small and pained..worried*...without me?
Madurz: *her fingers roll over the opal in her ring, which he had given to her sometime back, when he mentions protection of her...would he leave her again...she thinks of her 3 months in Lugburz without him*
Khamul: *He drinks from his goblet* It was my understanding, when I was given these orders, that you were to accompany me. Until I receive word that that has been changed, I will assume that such is the case.... but after.... last night... perhaps that will be different
Madurz: *perhaps she was meant to be alone after all...punished*
Madurz: *her hand moves to her heart...how it was broken in two places*
Khamul: But I have known this.... that I could not tarry here long... since... since... I was.... reprimanded last month
Madurz: *she feels on the verge of tears as she looks around the room*...i thought we were to stay here
Khamul: I have been... *he says as he drinks from his goblet* banished from the city
Madurz: *and her heart seems to stop* banished?
Khamul: Shall we say reassigned then? *he says with a hollow laugh*
Khamul: It is not, Madurz, as though I do not know the place, for I know it well and served there long years
Madurz: *there is a dread deep within her...somewhere behind her beating heart...in her soul.....disappointment? how now will she prove worth to her Lord*
Khamul: *He takes another drink from the goblet* You see, my lady, it is most simple. We failed our Master. The war did not go well
Khamul: He is displeased with us and I.... we.... have felt his displeasure
Madurz: *she looked up again to him and thought of the ache that must bring to them*
Khamul: His punishment was just. We deserved it
Khamul: We will not make the same mistakes again!
Madurz: *she remembers the feeling of the scars on his skin when he returned to her after those 3 months and she pains*
Khamul: So perhaps it is best this way that my captain and I have no words on this.... matter..... of last night
Khamul: for I feel now that since he has not spoken that he will not speak of it, though I would wish otherwise
Madurz: perhaps he will....sometime
Khamul: so do not tell me now or ever
Khamul: For I will not hear it from any lips other than his
Madurz: you do not trust my word?
Khamul: *he finishes the wine and puts the goblet back on the table* It is not that I do not trust you... No, trust is not the question... but... perhaps I do not wish to know
Khamul: From you or from anyone
Madurz: but you might be relieved
Madurz: *she stands and moves over to his chair where he sits and kneels beside him so that her face is nearer to his*
Khamul: Relieved? I do not need to feel relieved in this matter. All I need to do is act upon my responsibility to him to protect you. That is all that I need to know or to do
Madurz: love? orders to protect me? do you need orders for that?
Madurz: you do that on your own
Madurz: you speak....as if you do not love me
Madurz: that this is obligation
Madurz: when we know it is so much more
Khamul: It was a responsibility that he gave me months ago to protect you. I follow my orders
Madurz: *she sways again as her eyes fill with tears*.....i see
Khamul: Even when I do not like them perhaps, when I would not do them otherwise, still I must for I can do nothing else
Madurz: *does she accept this....does she fight?....who in this does she hurt and disappoint?*
Madurz: *her soul rumbles*
Khamul: Perhaps I began to feel more than I should have
Madurz: *and she shatters*
Madurz: *just a whisper* i have lost all
Madurz: *her eyes wide and she stands mechanically*
Khamul: *he bends his head and the darkness of his hood reveals nothing*
Madurz: Only one remains.....He....perhaps *she grits her teeth* Is this what YOU want? *she speaks to the air in a low tone*
Khamul: What I want? What I want! That is of little concern. What is of importance is what does my Master want!
Madurz: *she turns to him...tears spilling* He is who i meant
Madurz: *her soul feels as if it burns
Madurz: *she feels her heart pound*
Khamul: And I know my Master would not speak unless it was a situation that would threaten our brotherhood
Madurz: *she looks to Khamul with such sadness*
Khamul: And if he did speak there, his words would be irrevocable
Madurz: *hate filling her again for the meddling wizard..who interfered where he should not have when while she was ill, placed his hands upon her and violated her mind, erasing the feelings of love she had regained for Aldarion in the years after her spirit's summoning. But with her heart freed she fell in love with Khamul and never regretted that once. But Gandalf did indeed meddle in Angmar and Sauron's plan. She wanted Khamul but felt rising anger for the wizard for the hurt and tensions between them all that his actions have caused*
Khamul: Madurz, until I am told otherwise, I will protect you, as I have done for so long *he says mechanically*
Madurz: *she stares at him long and then she becomes irritated and hurries her steps in front of him*
Madurz: *her voice stern* i love you..and you love me
Khamul: I..... protect you. You will go with me to Dol Goldur unless..... I am told otherwise
Khamul: and you will continue with me as you have done and perhaps, perhaps, your knowledge of the..... elves there..... will prove useful.
Madurz: *she shakes her head fast* no....no....*her voice one of denying his words...rejecting them* you protect me yes....but you also love me
Madurz: how can we go back? turn it back....to what?
Madurz: fading footsteps through long corridors?
Khamul: *He rises from his chair and turns his back to her* Madurz, you are loved by two of us!
Khamul: I think this to be the case!
Khamul: Do you deny this?
Madurz: *she reels with a bit from his freely uttered words*
Madurz: *could she honestly deny this?...did Angmar not love her? oh doom!*
Madurz: We are not to be together
Madurz: He knows this
Khamul: *He stands there, his back to her* And though some of us over the years have taken such women as they found desirable...... it was not a question of love....
Madurz: *she moves over to him and places her hand on his back*
Madurz: my past is long my love
Khamul: *his shoulder flinches and involuntarily moves away from her*
Madurz: *she is struck with hurt* but it does not correspond now with my present
Khamul: Perhaps you would rather stay with him... *he hisses*
Madurz: Khamul...i love you
Khamul: And I think that he loves you, and perhaps you love him, but who am I to challenge that, for I am only Second
Madurz: *she dies a little inside...first the pain of Angmar...her love of old...now the pain of Khamul...love anew*
Madurz: i want to be with you Khamul
Khamul: You will be..... with whomever he says you will be and I can have no say
Madurz: *she moves in front of him this time*
Khamul: *he says slowly* Then tell me what he said!
Madurz: everything? do you want to know everything?
Khamul: *he sighs and his shoulders slump* Not everything, but enough
Madurz: sit with me please love, on the couch
Khamul: Yes, I will
Khamul: *he walks towards the couch, sits down, his posture erect as though at a military function*
Madurz: *she moves over to the couch and sits beside him*
Madurz: do you know how it is i came to be here in this time?
Madurz: *she says calmly as she faces him*
Khamul: I know some of your story, not all
Madurz: i too know not all of everything...much has been forgotten...but returns to me more with years..and more than ever in this past year..
Madurz: Some 4000 years ago..as you must know your Captain and i..the spirit within me were in love...and we wanted this to go on...to not lose it through his..extended existence..
Madurz: so before the summoning...when he was called...though i do not yet have the memory of the event..i know of the talk of it..
Madurz: through spell of combined power of he and our Master...draught was given to kill me peacfully in sleep....i asked for this...
Madurz: and then my spirit was then bound to them..
Madurz: so that when our Master allowed...Angmar could bring me back....though how that happened..i yet to remember that
Madurz: there is much i don't know
Madurz: last night...his memories surfaced during the dance and my blood when the blade broke my skin...
Madurz: he remembered the love we shared...and the oath we took bound by blood and he remembered the spell..
Madurz: and he was quite pleased with his accomplishment of bringing me back..
Madurz: *she chose carefully the things she said so not to irritate Khamul...her mind was very open and he could search it whenever he wanted...but deliberately tell him things that might hurt him she would not do
Madurz: Was he glad at his returning memories and feelings? did he still feel them...*she could never lie to Khamul...it was her promise to him long ago to be true*..
Madurz: yes Khamul
Khamul: Your spirit seemed to be searching for something, something I could not provide, but those thoughts were not clear to me. They became most clear last night
Khamul: Though my Captain can hide his thoughts from me, you cannot.... and I felt last night that indeed he was the one for whom your spirit longed, not me
Madurz: *she wished she could see his face..though she knew the expression that would be there..stone...but beneath...much hurt and anger..confusion and struggle..she knew this*
Madurz: 4 thousand years is a very long time for a spirit to wait and wander
Madurz: *she exhales deeply*
Madurz: Yes Khamul it was Angmar for whom my spirit loved and waited for...but... you know things have changed
Madurz: i do not remember those years even
Khamul: Yes, I know this.... Things have changed, and changed greatly, and that which has changed can never be the same again
Madurz: they change in that i love You now
Khamul: Only because the wizard took away those thoughts which you once had.... were it not for that.... nothing would be changed
Madurz: *his words bite hard..there is truth there...but still...*
Khamul: *He rises from the couch and turns and faces her* And perhaps I knew this all along
Madurz: perhaps i still would have fallen in love with you
Madurz: my spirit the same but a new life this is
Khamul: Perhaps is indeed a word laden with portents
Madurz: *she stares up into the hollowness of his hood..all but the red glow that is visible there*
Khamul: The wizard meddled in a course that was laid long years ago, and had he not, I know where your affections would now lie
Madurz: you would have been my protector, but you are now so much more
Khamul: and how do I not know that the wizard himself has put a spell upon you?
Madurz: what spell would that be?
Khamul: why did you speak with him in the first place?
Khamul: you would have been better off if things had remained as they had been before
Madurz: he sought out my torment
Madurz: he left me no choices
Khamul: in any event, what has been done has been done and cannot be undone
Madurz: *she stands and take a step towards him* but i have not finished of telling you of last night
Khamul: And now I, Khamul, have been made a fool!
Madurz: a fool?!.. no
Khamul: I am still your protector. Nothing has changed there. I will do that
Madurz: i know you will
Madurz: will you not love me anymore?
Khamul: I should never allowed myself to love an edain!
Khamul: I am long past that now
Khamul: Or perhaps I should have been
Madurz: *Standing there...feeling just a shell with no insides or substance*
Khamul: Now every time I hear your voice and sense your presence, I will know your thoughts are with another
Madurz: that is not true
Madurz: Khamul...you remained in my thoughts all of last night
Madurz: it was he who was the one to struggle last night
Khamul: I am sure there was another who held your thoughts, not me, one who has far greater power than me
Madurz: it was not about power
Madurz: my love for you is sincere
Khamul: Madurz, do not deceive yourself! All edain desire power beyond anything
Khamul: why should you not be drawn far more to him who has power almost inexhaustable!
Madurz: if were to be drawn to him..it would be because of our past
Madurz: but that is not so now
Khamul: The wizard has done a cruel jest, a jest to drive a wedge but it shall not be so!
Madurz: i will have power...you will grant it to me still will you not?
Khamul: Power? Do not ask power of me! Ask it of another who has far more to give than I!
Madurz: you know what i ask of love!
Madurz: And i want it given to me by you
Khamul: and do you not know by now that in a matter of such consequence, I must first ask leave of another? *his words become hisses*
Madurz: *she tilts her head and looks to him*
Khamul: that is not a thing to be done lightly, not as a whim
Madurz: you told me it would be done
Madurz: i know not as a whim
Khamul: Perhaps now I should ask again....
Madurz: *her eyes flash a moment and then she shakes her head*
Madurz: we were not talking about power...we were talking about love
Khamul: Yes.... love
Khamul: It is said that we are incapable of love and perhaps that is true
Madurz: *she nears him again and reaches her hand up to his unseen face* i know that is a false statement
Khamul: I do not need your comfort!
Khamul: Nor your pity
Madurz: this is not pity..nor comfort...this is love
Khamul: And you say you still love me?
Madurz: yes Khamul, i do
Khamul: And do you still love him?
Khamul: *he turns from her and walks away* I know the answer to that already
Madurz: Khamul i carry pieces of him within me..these are things i cannot help
Madurz: as i carry our Lord
Madurz: but you know the love was taken
Khamul: then I am to remain second as I have always been
Madurz: we are all second...We all have another first..our Master
Madurz: But you are not third
Khamul: Madurz, I am angry, but that does not matter.... there will be no dissension.... I do not have the will in me for that
Madurz: i understand your anger...and it does matter
Khamul: You do not fully understand the depth of my anger
Madurz: then tell me Khamul
Khamul: I would kill you right now, but my hand is stayed!
Madurz: *his statement makes her sway...never has he uttered a threat to her as that*
Khamul: Now do you understand my anger?
Madurz: what stays your hand?
Khamul: I was told long ago to protect you and I will do that
Khamul: And that is what stays my hand for my anger is great
Madurz: you lie! it is not protection..it is love *she feels it is but wishes it to be so more than anything*
Khamul: You have never seen me when I am angry *he turns back to her, his eyes glowing fiercely*
Madurz: i have not done anything wrong!
Madurz: why be angry at me?
Khamul: Because I know your thoughts and I know where you want to be, but while I cannot act upon my anger, know that it is there
Madurz: your thoughts are wrong
Madurz: you are clouded by a feeling you have not felt in long years, if ever
Khamul: you have never seen me like this for there has never been cause for you to see it
Madurz: and you are angry enough to kill me?
Khamul: Yes and more *he hisses*
Khamul: But you are safe. Have no fear!
Madurz: *her frustration rises as does her voice* you know i do not have fear of you
Madurz: Yes your Captain regained his feelings last night...yes he wants me...but he knows it is not to be..and the oath we took centuries upon centuries ago..he released me from it ...because he knows i love you
Khamul: and why? He had first claim
Madurz: It is the reasonable choice for him. I love you
Madurz: There would be complications otherwise...ones none of us can afford
Khamul: The wizard has cursed us all!
Madurz: I do not regret loving you
Khamul: And now we feel his curse and its sting goes deep
Madurz: why be angry with me love?
Madurz: it is no fault of mine
Khamul: For I have been made a fool of yet again! Do you think the others do not know?
Madurz: my falling in love with you was true..sincere
Madurz: a free heart remember
Madurz: i was not made to love you..it was of my own will
Khamul: A jest of the gods has been made
Khamul: And we are but the recipients of it
Madurz: *she looks down..he seems to not hear her*
Madurz: perhaps i should be sent away. Let Master decide what is to be done with me
Madurz: and if it is death..or torture..so be it
Madurz: for i seem to be this plague
Khamul: To send you away would be certain death for you
Khamul: And who knows what words you might be forced to say before you died?
Madurz: *she fills with pain with the thought of Master wanting her dead*
Khamul: No, you shall remain with me and perhaps torment me further
Khamul: For I have received no word from my Captain concerning you
Madurz: *she stares ahead with dead expression on her face*
Khamul: I leave in ten days for Dol Goldur and unless I receive word contradicting this, you shall go with me
Madurz: *a feeling of total loss consumes her..the ice in his voice..he talks to her as he would any other..though she knows he is upset and hurt, this pains her*
Madurz: *she remembers the hurt in Angmar and that pains her*
Madurz: *Master giving her death for her uselessness...seeing no worth in her..that pains her*
Madurz: *she nods and silently walks out of the room*
Khamul: *He follows behind her and upon reaching her, he grabs her roughly by the arms*
Khamul: *he turns her around to face him*
Madurz: *she gives no struggle..she swings as a lifeless body would*
Khamul: *He is silent for a while, staring at her* Once I spoke to you of doom. Perhaps you see the fulfillment of my words
Khamul: You are but a mortal, caught between a struggle of powers. You understand little of this
Khamul: But know this. There is a war that rages all about you but you cannot see
Madurz: and i am the cause?
Khamul: You are caught between powers. No, not the cause
Khamul: But a consequence!
Madurz: then why do i exist?
Khamul: *he throws his head back and laughs wildly* Perhaps to curse us all but I do not know
Khamul: but I am unwilling to yield so easily to their powers
Khamul: Why? Because I am part of the war, Madurz, and I laugh in the face of the gods
Khamul: And shake my fist at the heavens and curse them
Madurz: so i am to prove your point?
Madurz: *she knows this not to be true..not entirely*
Khamul: If necessary, Madurz, if necessary
Khamul: I except one god, Sauron, and do His will
Khamul: and you will not be a symbol of disunion, no matter what may come
Khamul: and you shall not come between me and my Captain
Madurz: *his grip has loosened and she was able to move out of his grasp* no...i never wanted that Khamul
Madurz: that would pain me...as well as disappointment from my Lord
Khamul: *He allows her to move away* Be at peace, Madurz. You cannot help being what you are
Khamul: And be at peace with me, for my anger is abating
Madurz: *she nods...broken and shattered beyond any feeling she can remember and turns her back from him and moves over to a nearby table*
Madurz: *she whispers to herself*.."so this is it..worthless Edain"
Khamul: *Too proud ever to admit that a mortal had hurt him, he stands there and watches her*
Madurz: *no sides of all she wanted and loved or bound to felt any use of her..she now this symbol..and cause of distraction and conflict*
Madurz: *she slowly and silently takes out the knife from her sheathe on her waist....problems need solutions*
Khamul: *After pondering, he finally finds words* Madurz, I hold you in great honor.....
Madurz: *her eyes vacant as he speaks...she begins to drag the blade down her forearm*
Khamul: *Seeing what she is doing, he moves quickly and puts his hand on the knife* No, Madurz!
Khamul: You will not do that!
Madurz: you do not need to do your job anymore Khamul
Khamul: *He holds her hand over the knife* I have never seen it as a task!
Madurz: this is the move of the weak Edain....seeking rest for a broken soul
Madurz: *the veins in her arm are split and pour, covering her arm in crimson*
Khamul: Not this, Madurz *he says and begins to pull the knife away from her* That is not what you seek
Khamul: Shall I subdue you by my will? *he says as he flings the knife away from her*
Khamul: This is a foolish thing that you have done, and you know what the smell of blood can do to me!
Madurz: then leave Khamul.....let it not tempt you and then you will not fail your task in protecting me
Khamul: *The spark of anger within him catches fire from her words of command, fueled by his immense frustration of the situation and his feelings...the scent of her blood seeping more into his nostrils and the flaming ball within him grows bigger and directs its blinding light upon her..this object of control...angry fire fed by all things causes his nature to take over and lead his actions.*
Khamul: *he hisses at her angrily and backhands her across the face and before she reels from the force of it, he grabs her by the shoulder and brings the palm of his hand back down across the other side of her face and targets it the same two more times*
Madurz: *she was taken aback by his actions, for it was something he had never done before. The rush of air as the back of his hand rushed to her face and the feel of his knuckles meeting her cheekbone and whipping her head to the side happened so fast. She had no time to react before she felt the sting of his palm on the other side of her face, sending her head and her hair flying in the opposite direction. Little more than a whimper escaped her for she held her breath mostly. Her head lifted slightly, but was thrashed back to the side again between the other slaps. Her hair clung to the blood that streamed from her mouth and nose. Her face is hot and throbs..stinging more than any blade can deliver for the sting was in her heart. Never had she known his hand to be anything but caressing and loving.*
Khamul: Though you hold an honored position, you shall not attempt to direct me! *his voice is an icy hiss*
Madurz: *she looks up to him and reveals her wounded face and he disappears in one eyes as it swells shut*
Khamul: Now I command you to sit in the chair yonder!
Madurz: *she knows he will continue to assault her if she does not...kill her even for she knows now the love he felt was being buried by him and anger had taken over. And she did not fear him...but was hurt down to her core that she could be the reason to bringing his level of anger to this point that he could do this to her. And she did not want to further provoke him by not doing what he asked in that he might kill her and be a disappointment to the others so she moves and sits.*
Madurz: *Blood trickles from her nose and oozes from the corner of her mouth from the gash her teeth had made in her lower lip. Her cheek was puffed and was already bruising from his first hit. She keeps her eyes forward as the lump of mixed emotions grows in her throat and almost makes it hard to breathe*
Khamul: *He softly begins to chant a spell to halt the flow of blood*
Khamul: *Then chanting, he moves to a cabinet alongside the wall, opens it, and takes out a jar filled with a green cream*
Khamul: *Then opening the jar, he takes out a portion in his hand, walks over to her, bends down and applies it to her arm*
Khamul: *He stops chanting and hisses* Foolish mortal!
Khamul: You need an army of attendants to keep you from doing harm to yourself!
Madurz: *she lifts her gaze to him*
Madurz: why am i kept alive if i am this consequence?
Khamul: *he rubs the ointment into her arm until the ointment disappears, leaving her arm whole again*
Madurz: *she looks to her healed arm and presses her lips tightly together, trying hard to keep the mortal tears suppressed*
Khamul: *completing his task, he straightens* Because, fair one, you have had the power to capture not one but two of us!
Khamul: And no man can hold that claim!
Madurz: *she does not know how to respond to his statement*
Khamul: *he bends down again and wipes the blood off her mouth with his finger*
Madurz: *she stays silent and closes her eyes when his finger meets her lips*
Khamul: *touching his finger to his mouth, he licks off the blood*
Khamul: and you still have me captured, Madurz. Your power is great
Khamul: I cannot deny that I love you
Madurz: *after long moments of her heart beating as if on the brink of death..his words give it a charge to beat harder*
Khamul: *he takes the tasteless ointment and gently dabs it on her face, healing her hurts*
Madurz: *she winces slightly but makes little sound..only her soft breaths are heard*
Khamul: I should not have struck you that way but I was angry
Madurz: you never have in the past....you were angry....*she breathes deeply*...i understand
Khamul: I can be violent, Madurz, very violent when I am angry
Madurz: ..i know
Madurz: i do not fear your anger or your violence
Khamul: it is in our nature now
Madurz: i understand that
Khamul: Do you understand then why I was angry?
Madurz: i....i think i know Khamul
Khamul: it is passed now. I am angry no longer
Madurz: will you tell me why and confirm what i feel to be true?
Khamul: *he looks down at her* Would you try to force one such as I to be your servant? *he laughs*
Madurz: her eyes narrow and she shakes her head* you know i would never want or expect that Khamul: But I will answer you.... you have a power over me
Madurz: and that angers you?
Khamul: That any should hold power over me angers me
Madurz: there is more to it
Madurz: i understand the power you mean
Khamul: though I might deny it, for I have known nothing of it for many years, this power you have is what the edain call "love"
Madurz: and with that comes the power to hurt
Madurz: though i would never do so willingly love
Madurz: and pain is something only He has been able to show you
Madurz: am i mirroring your thoughts and feelings?
Khamul: Madurz, perhaps you do, and in that you do hold power
Khamul: But again, perhaps, you cannot help that you can cause pain
Madurz: no love..i cannot help this.
Madurz: because i never would want to cause you this
Madurz: but you have this same power over me
Khamul: *He kneels down in front of her and puts his hands on hers*
Khamul: *Then he puts his head on her lap*
Madurz: *..she looks to his bent figure in front of her and his head upon her lap..feeling his cool face on her hands and she exhales and closes her eyes and bends over and places her cheek on his head*
Khamul: Forgive me that I have brought you pain
Khamul: It shall not happen again
Madurz: You are forgiven
Khamul: *he lifts his head up and looks up at her*
Madurz: Khamul, forgive me of the same
Khamul: There is nothing to forgive, except me for my anger
Madurz: i do not wish to have power over you..but if that comes with loving you...then i shall have power over you forever
Madurz: because that is how long i shall love you
Khamul: And you do not want to be with him?
Madurz: that feeling is something i have been without for a long time now love
Madurz: though i am very sorry for his pain
Khamul: *still keeling, he straightens up then rises and looks down at her* Indeed, his pain must be great at losing you
Khamul: *He bends down, reaching for her arms*
Madurz: *she extends them to him*
Khamul: *he pulls her to her feet and then puts his arms around her*
Madurz: *she slips her arms around his waist and places her head on his chest and closes her eyes*
Khamul: *he bends his head down and rests it on top of hers*
Khamul: Madurz, I love you
Madurz: *the fibers and tissue begin to pull together and the color returns as her heart mends*
Khamul: Though I never thought it possible to love, I do love you
Khamul: mortals do not think we feel pain such as they do but they are wrong. We do Khamul: We can feel anguish of both the body and the spirit Khamul: We can feel pain and our bodies can perish
Khamul: But the pain I felt was of another kind
Khamul: And in that kind of pain, we are not so different from mortals *he holds her tightly*
Madurz: *she trembles in his grasp from the overwhelming emotion* I love you Khamul
Madurz: you will never lose me
Khamul: I had thought that I had lost your love to him
Madurz: no my love
Khamul: Now I think it was all part of the wizard's doing
Madurz: that is why he left the memories?
Khamul: Aye, to bring pain, to bring dissension, for he knew your mind and where your heart lay
Madurz: but he was not to know i would fall in love with you
Khamul: But now his work is undone and we are free of his meddling
Khamul: Perhaps he did know what was to be and that was part of his plan
Khamul: But my love, we will think of it no more
Madurz: no..let us not think of it
Khamul: For we have far better things than that of which to think
Madurz: yes we do
Madurz: are you looking forward to going back to Dol Goldur love?
Khamul: Aye, my love, for there are elves still lurking about, and they will bring us sport
Madurz: ahhh yes
Madurz: too long has it been since i have heard screams
Madurz: we can gets elves to cry out
Khamul: They bring the most sport of all, for they live so long
Madurz: I look forward to going there for the first time
Khamul: And love, I will have a surprise for you.... I have ordered that a tub shall be provided for you so that I may watch you as you bathe *he laughs*
Khamul: No more basins and pitchers for you
Madurz: *she smiles and her eyes regain their shine as she looks to him..the red glow had left*
Madurz: love that is wonderful
Madurz: *she sighs* a bath!
Khamul: And while you delight in your bath, I shall delight in watching you
Khamul: But I do not think that even you could entice me into joining you
Madurz: oh love, i would never ask that of you
Madurz: perhaps you can risk a damp cloth though
Madurz: *she smirks*
Khamul: a little will bring no harm
Khamul: But much water that is flowing can cause me great harm
Madurz: i know my love
Madurz: you will never know that
Khamul: Not again
Madurz: *she lifts her hand to stroke his face*
Khamul: We have lost much time tonight, my love, when we could have been doing other things
Khamul: And I can think of one of them right now
Khamul: *He chuckles and holds her tighter*
Madurz: *the other hand slips underneath his hood and she pulls it back over his head, revealing nothing to her but she cradles his unseen head..her fingers entwine in his hair*
Khamul: Someday, love, you shall see me as I am and not through your fingers
Khamul: But I think by now that you know my features well enough so you will not be surprised
Madurz: *her body covers with chills in the very thought of the Gift and of seeing him and everlasting life with him and the high honor..she begins to fill again with pride and life*
Madurz: love i will delight in seeing you
Madurz: more than you can imagine
Khamul: As I will delight in seeing you fully for the first time
Khamul: For now I see little more of you than your form
Khamul: But I know you well for my fingers have explored every last detail of your face
Khamul: From your forehead, to the contours of your eyes, and to your nose and ah yes, I know your lips well
Madurz: *her eyes slide closed* yes love .as my hands have had to create the image in my mind
Madurz: and there i see you completely
Khamul: Then touch your lips to mine and feel what you find there
Madurz: *she holds onto him tighter, her hands clutching the material of his robes and stands on her toes and pulls herself up on him a bit and brushes her lips across his back and forth lightly and sighs and speaks* ahh..i find the lips of the man i love and desire
Khamul: Then, perhaps, you should seek more and find more of the one whom you desire
Khamul: *his hands move up and down her back* As I shall enjoy seeking the one whom I most desire
Madurz: *she kisses his lips tenderly..slowly letting them play over his before they seal together*
Khamul: *he sighs and begins kneading the muscles in her back*
Madurz: *her hands move up around his neck and she lets her fingertips run up and down the back of it as she pulls herself up higher and closer to his body*
Khamul: *He moves his hands away from her back and pulls her hands away from his neck. He stands there and looks at her* Come love, let us go back and sit on the couch
Madurz: *she takes his hand and interlocks her fingers with his and moves with him to the couch*
Khamul: *Still holding her hand, he sits down* Sit upon my lap and let me hold you
Madurz: *she lowers herself to his lap and holds his hand and lets the other arm drape along his shoulders*
Madurz: *she kisses exactly where she knows his temple would be*
Khamul: *he slides one arm around her waist and pulls her tightly against him*
Madurz: *she sighs and runs her fingers through his hair* you know love i can feel your gaze
Madurz: i may not see your face..
Madurz: but i sense its direction always
Madurz: *she proves it and finds his lips perfectly*
Madurz: *she sips at his lips like the rim of a goblet and drinks of his mouth like the wine inside*
Khamul: *he sighs into her mouth as his hand moves up to her neck and strokes it gently*
Khamul: *he holds her tightly and close and keeps his lips on hers, kissing her as he reclines back on the couch with her and parts his face from hers a bit and looks to her*
Khamul: My love, whatever may have happened last night between you and him, you chose me rather than him. Perhaps I am not the second in your heart
Khamul: For I am always second to him in all other matters. In this, I shall, perhaps, be first
Madurz: *she adjusts her body on his and stares down into his face as they lay there* Khamul you have claimed my heart in this lifetime...and he has allowed us to love, despite what he feels in his own heart....and i love you so.
Madurz: And about last night.....rest easily....for i assure you...the sacred act of love did not transpire *she lowers her head and kisses him deeply and passionately*
Khamul: *he moves his lips away from her* I will always rest easily now in your arms *then his lips move back to hers*
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